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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {